“To whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.” So says Simon Peter to Jesus in today’s gospel (Jn 6:60-69). As people of faith, we approach the Scriptures with confidence that they will not lead us astray. The Bible is God’s Revelation. We say the Bible is a sacred text, an inspired text, that it is good news. Today’s psalm invites us to “taste and see the goodness of the Lord.” (Ps 34). Does the letter from St. Paul invite women to taste and see the goodness of the Lord?
“Wives should be subordinate to their husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of his wife just as Christ is the head of the church, he himself the savior of the body. As the church is subordinate to Christ, so wives should be subordinate to their husbands in everything” (Eph 5: 21-24).
Should Catholic homilists continue to preach Ephesians 5, today’s second reading, as “the word of the Lord”? Would it be ok to be silent instead of responding “Thanks be to God”? Is Ephesians 5 good news for married women in the pews of our churches?
Today’s psalm is often given the title, “Deliverance from Trouble.” For many women today, the psalm seems like it is written straight from their own experience of domestic violence. The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence defines domestic violence in this way:
Domestic violence is the willful intimidation, physical assault, battery, sexual assault, and/or other abusive behavior as part of a systematic pattern of power and control perpetrated by one intimate partner against another. It includes physical violence, sexual violence, threats, and emotional abuse… Intimate partner violence is often accompanied by emotionally abusive and controlling behavior which is only a fraction of a systematic pattern of dominance and control.
Domestic violence is an epidemic in the US. Every minute 20 people are victims of intimate partner violence. Women are much more likely to be victims of intimate partner violence with 85% of domestic abuse victims being women and 15% men. A woman is beaten every 9 seconds in the US. Domestic violence is the third leading cause of homelessness among families. With many new stories about athletes or celebrities publicly abusing their wives or girlfriends, many more women are victimized in the privacy of their own home. With the high rates of domestic violence and child abuse in our country, we simply can’t assume that home is a safe space for women and children.
Today’s reading from St. Paul provides religious sanction for violence against women because it describes male headship as normative in marriage. While later in the reading Paul tells husbands to love their wives, it is not because women are equal partners but rather because the wife is seen as an extension of the husband’s own body. Some scripture scholars refer to this paradigm as “love patriarchalism,” and this vision of marriage was the dominant one through much of the Catholic tradition. Even Casti Connubii (Pope Pius XI, 1930) retained this emphasis:
Domestic society being confirmed, therefore, by this bond of love, there should flourish in it that ‘order of love,’ as St. Augustine calls it. This order includes both the primacy of the husband with regard to the wife and children, the ready subjection of the wife and her willing obedience, which the Apostle commends in these words: ‘Let women be subject to their husbands as to the Lord, because the husband is the head of the wife, and Christ is the head of the Church.’ (no. 26).
Piux XI claims that a marriage of equal partners would be “unnatural” and “to the detriment of the woman herself.” (no 76). In contrast to this vision, the US Bishops wrote in their 2009 Marriage: Love and Life in the Divine Plan that marriage is a “communion of love between co-equal persons” (page 37 of the online pdf version). Church teachings on marriage today emphasize the equal dignity of each partner and their task of mutual self-gift. But the image of male dominance that we see in many parts of our sacred scriptures still normalizes violence against women in our own context. If we change some pronouns, we might see how survivors of domestic violence could hear Psalm 34 in a new light.
The lowly will hear me and be glad.
The Lord has eyes for the just, and ears for their cry.
The Lord confronts evildoers, to destroy remembrance of them from the earth.
When the just cry out, the Lord hears them, and from all distress God rescues them.
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; and those who are crushed in spirit God saves.
Many are the troubles of the just one, but out of them all the Lord delivers her.
God watches over all her bones; not one of them shall be broken.
Read in this way, Psalm 34 gives hope to women in the pews in a way that Ephesians 5 simply doesn’t. God hears the cries of women and children for whom home is unsafe. The real Christian response to today’s readings should be to ask ourselves what we can do to name, interrupt, and end violence against women and children. We too can be close to the brokenhearted. We can strengthen social supports for women and children. We can stop demonizing women who rely on public assistance. We can normalize “yes means yes” campaigns. We can hold presidential candidates accountable for their sexist comments and demand that women are treated with fairness. We can fund domestic abuse hotlines, shelters for women and children who flee from unsafe homes, and mental health clinics that serve those most in need. In this way, women and children will taste justice and see that the Lord is good.
God watches over all her bones; not one of them shall be broken. Taste and see the goodness of the Lord.
If you need help, dial the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
Suggestions for Further Reading
- Carol Adams and Marie Fortune, Eds., Violence Against Women and Children: A Christian Theological Sourcebook
- Marie Fortune, Keeping the Faith: Guidance for Christian Women Facing Abuse
- Emily Reimer-Barry, Catholic Theology of Marriage in the Era of HIV and AIDS: Marriage for Life
- Leslie Vernick, The Emotionally Destructive Marriage: How to Find Your Voice and Reclaim Your Hope
To me, the message of your post seems clear. We can’t trust authorities.
This seems particularly true when the authorities are self appointed, have never been married, have never raised children, and may have even never had sex, and yet still presume to lecture us on family matters, while presiding over shocking sexual scandals of significant proportions.
Such authorities may however be highly qualified to speak to issues such as selfless service to the needy, a realm in which they can become expert due at least in part to a lack of competing family responsibilities.
Your post fails to recognize that women who cohabitate and their children are at much higher risk of domestic violence than married women and their children living with the children’s biological father. Perhaps the real solution is not all the programs you mention but a much more chaste approach to sex and marriage.
I reject the entire premise of this article based as it is on a distortion of what Ephesians actually says. The author asserts she is citing Eph 5:21-24 but what she is really citing is Eph 5:22-24. The section she cites does not actually start with “Wives be subordinate to your husbands…” (Eph 5:22) but with this: “Be subject to one another…” (Eph 5:21) It isn’t clear why this verse was omitted, but it is clear that it puts the rest of the passage in an entirely different perspective.
Rather than shy away from Ephesians, homilists would do everyone a favor by correcting the common misunderstanding (repeated in this article) of the rights and responsibilities of husbands and wives.
Thank you both for reading this post and taking the time to comment. Both of you raise good points, and yet I cannot agree 100% with your conclusions. Bruce, domestic violence affects women in all states of life: rich, poor, married, unmarried, Catholic, atheist. I believe that as Christians we should respond with compassion to the person in need, and that marital status should not determine who receives more of our compassion. Since this post was about how the Christian tradition has (unfortunately) contributed to a patriarchal mindset in which some husbands believe they have the right to control their wives’ bodies and behavior, I chose to focus on interpretation of Scripture. But a wider argument would certainly say that all domestic violence is wrong. I have a hard time simply accepting the answer that “a more chase approach to sex and marriage” is better than social supports because for those who follow a patriarchal mindset that they think is Christian, “chaste” means something different than it does to me. For some in our tradition, “order” and “hierarchy” were more important than “love” and “justice.” Which version of chaste should we promote today? I would argue that one rooted in the human dignity of each partner, that affirms self care as well as self giving love.
Ender, Thank you for catching my typo. I began the quotation with verse 22, as you state in your correction. But despite the opening “be subject to one another,” the rest of the passage still does not offer an egalitarian view of marriage. Paul was certainly a man of his time, and homilists should say as much. The point of my blog reflection was to question what exactly we mean by your final phrase– the “rights and responsibilities of husbands and wives.” What does that mean in a context of pervasive sexism and violence against women? If you can place yourself in the shoes of a woman who has tasted blood in her mouth after her husband punched her in the face– the man who said he would love her and honor her all the days of his life– and she is sitting in the pews looking for spiritual nourishment and a message that God loves her and desires her full flourishing– does Paul help or hurt her situation? Does this reading empower her to care for herself, or tell her to accept her situation and just try not to provoke her husband next time? I still think we have a long way to go before we can just repeat verse 21 and think that everyone understands that husbands and wives should have equal power in a relationship.
Sorry, I forgot to thank Phil too! I’m not against authorities, and I think that most homilists do a fine job of bringing the Scriptures to life. But your point seems to be that good preaching must be grounded in one’s experiences, and that good preaching on parenting or marriage can’t come from a celibate male. While it is tempting to go in that direction (and in many cases I would argue that women should be at the table more often in church leadership), I wouldn’t limit this argument to that, since I think that a better solution to violence against women is to partner with men who are also against that violence. Homilists can speak powerfully about these and other social issues even if it is not coming from their personal experience. I assume that as human beings they can empathize with suffering people and speak from that empathy.
I think it is a profound misreading of Ephesians to suggest that it means a wife assaulted by her husband is still subject to his rule, when she is not actually subject to his rule in any case. Nor is it clear how the phrase “be subject to one another” presents anything other than an egalitarian view of marriage.
The husband and wife have different roles, but difference does not imply superiority; it is not a master-servant relationship. The husband is the head of the family, but this does not give him arbitrary control of his wife. He has a right, but along with it comes an obligation to sacrifice himself for her. Neither the right nor the obligation are unfettered or subject to whim. She does not have to bring him his pipe and slippers when he gets home; he does not have to take a second job to provide her an endless supply of new clothes.
Hi Emily, thanks for engaging.
Surely anyone should feel free to speak to such issues, and all people of good will should be welcomed as partners. We are in agreement there.
My point is only that those with the least experience on a particular issue should not be looked to for leadership on that issue. This is a common sense procedure we employ in all aspects of life.
You are objecting to the principle, “Wives should be subordinate to their husbands as to the Lord.” That principle arises out of another one, “Laity should be subordinate to the clergy as to the Lord.” In both cases an unhealthy marriage is the result.
I’m suggesting that the same adjustments you call for in the marriage between husband and wife are equally well advised in the marriage between clergy and laity.
Let each party be the leader when they are the most qualified, and the follower when they are not. Such a principle creates a real partnership, a healthy marriage, one that tends to avoid the kind of problems you are referring to by bringing the best qualified leaders to the fore in every situation.
Hi Emily,
Thank you for drawing attention to important problems regarding domestic violence and inequality within marriage. While the discussion thread unfortunately seems more concerned with interrelated but importantly distinct other issues, such as religious authority, chastity, and hermeneutics, I think that the problems you raise in your post are significant and merit our focused attention and concern.