Dear Bruno Mars, If you really think women are amazing, then stop accumulating cool points by singing about being a sexual predator. It’s not cool. Lighten up, you say. It is just the Super Bowl half time show. But take a closer look at the lyrics for Runaway Baby:

Ahh yes

Chickaha

Well looky here looky here
Ah what do we have?
Another pretty thang ready for me to grab
But little does she know
That I’m a wolf in sheep’s clothing
‘Cause at the end of the night
It is her I’ll be holding

I love you so, hey
That’s what you’ll say (that’s what you’ll say)
You’ll tell me
Baby baby please don’t go away (don’t go away)
But when I play (when I play), I never stay (I never stay)
To every girl that I meet, yeah, this is what I say:

Run run runaway, runaway baby
Before I put my spell on you
You better get get getaway get away darling
‘Cause everything you heard is true
Your poor little heart will end up alone
‘Cause Lord knows I’m a rolling stone
So you better run run runaway runaway baby

Ah yeah
Well let me think let me think
Ah what should I do?
So many eager young bunny’s
That I’d like to pursue
Now even now they eating out the palm of my hand
There’s only one carrot and they all gotta share it!

I love you so, hey
That’s what you’ll say
You’ll tell me
Baby baby please don’t go away
But when I play, I never stay
To every girl that I meet, yeah, this is what I say: y:

Run run run away, run away baby
Before I put my spell on you
You better get get get away get away darling
‘Cause everything you heard is true
Your poor little heart will end up alone
‘Cause Lord knows I’m a rolling stone
So you better run run run away run away baby

Chickaha

See I ain’t try to hurt you baby
No no, no I just wanna work you baby
Yeah yeah
See I ain’t try to hurt you baby
No no, no I just wanna work you baby
If you scared you better run (You better run)
You better run (You better run)
You better run (You better run)
You better you better you better

Run run runaway, runaway baby
Before I put my spell on you
You better get get getaway getaway darling
‘Cause everything you heard is true
Your poor little heart will end up alone
‘Cause Lord knows I’m a rolling stone
So you better run run runaway runaway baby!

I just can’t find anything redeeming about these lyrics, even if you say the song is catchy and you like to dance. My worry is that the messages we hear in these and other songs form us –whether we realize it or not–into accepting sexual relationships that are rooted in domination and exploitation. It is a pattern that anti-porn activist Gail Dines has called porn culture, and Dines argues that it shapes a culture that fails to recognize rape and the sexual victimization of women and girls.
Here’s how the argument goes, broadly stated. We are social creatures, and our identity is shaped by our community and our particular context. As we are socialized in this culture, we internalize messages about the world and about ourselves. These include messages from film, print and television advertising, sports culture, and other forms of media and entertainment. Dines argues that porn has become normal and mainstream in our culture, and it is changing the way we think about ourselves and how we act towards one another. One of the patterns she finds problematic is the consistent messaging that porn culture sends about women:
“The messages that porn disseminates about women can be boiled down to a few essential characteristics: they are always ready for sex and are enthusiastic to do whatever men want.”

“The word ‘no’ is glaringly absent from porn women’s vocabulary.”

“What they want always mirrors what the man wants.”

“In the porn world, women are never concerned about pregnancy, STDs, or damage to their bodies.” -Gail Dines, Pornland, xxiii-xxiv

Dines and others have argued that porn culture creates rape culture, a culture in which rape is normalized and legitimized and violence against women is accepted as normal. (See Dines, Pornland, 96). Dines explains 5 common ideas found in rape culture, which she calls the 5 Rape Myths. Note how these cohere with the lyrics of so many songs in rap and pop music today:
5 Rape Myths
1. Women don’t know their own minds; men know better what women really want and need sexually.
2. A woman might not want it at first, but once she gets a taste of hot sex, she can’t get enough.
3. Women are my nature sexually manipulative.
4. Women are sluts who get what they deserve.
5. All women are wh#*@$ at heart and want to be f#$%@& by any available men.   -Dines, 97.
What’s the problem? Dines argues that these myths “promote a culture that will affect men in myriad ways: some will rape but many more will beg, nag, and cajole their partners into sex or certain sex acts, and more still will lose interest in sex with other human beings.” (97)
Questions to consider as you think about messages in music, entertainment, and other forms of popular culture:
  • Are women portrayed as subjects or objects?
  • Are power relations equal and mutual or do they follow patterns of exploitation, domination, and subjugation?
  • Does the woman speak for herself or does someone else speak for her?
  • Does sex start with consent? Is sex loving?
  • Do sexual partners care for each other’s emotional, physical, psychological, and spiritual well being?
  • Are there consequences for unjust or illegal behavior? Or is there a glorification of violence, homophobia, misogyny, or self-gratification for its own sake?

It is important to state here that I am not anti-sex, anti-music, or anti-male. Neither is Dines. But we need to be vigilant about naming disrespectful attitudes towards women when we see them in pop culture. One way to think about the opposite of porn/rape culture is to think about what good sex means. Dines proposes the following:

  • We need a sexuality based on equality, dignity and respect.
  • We need a sexuality that celebrates connectedness, intimacy, and empathy.
  • We need a sexuality based in equality rather than subordination.
Catholics agree!